BANG! A thunderous scale rushed up the piano keyboard and back down again. It was the usual early morning wake-up call. For the next two hours, the family would be subjected to the tempestuous sounds of an advanced piano student preparing for an exam. After breakfast, a second advanced student would practice for another hour or so. And that was only the morning. The afternoon would bring another hour of crashing scales followed by a second hour of intensive practice on some fiendishly difficult piece of classical music. That was one day down – only five more to go in the week! Surely having an athlete training for the Olympics would be easier than that.
Surviving Music Practice: Long Term Vision Required
Enduring music practice is not for the faint-hearted, especially when there is an advanced student in the family or the family home is too small to accommodate the needs of everyone. Try the following tips to help you stay sane!
- Remember that you are investing in your child’s future. Research shows that young people who learn to play a musical instrument have better social skills and enjoy more opportunities and greater confidence. They are also more likely to do well at school, have greater powers of concentration and go on to university or other tertiary education.
- Set practice times for the same time each day. Then try to plan your routine so that you are doing something else away from the practice area.
- If possible, have a day each week when no practice takes place. Not only will you benefit, your student musician will do better after a rest day.
- Surviving music practice is about compromise. If you are a little weary of it all, remember that it’s merely a phase of life. Nothing lasts forever and the season of compromise is no exception.
- Your student’s efforts are important to him or her – get involved. When you are interested, surviving music practice is easier and more enjoyable for you and your student. Ask questions and pay compliments when your child reaches goals and achieves milestones.
- Be specific in your praise – find specific ways to compliment your child. When you understand what your child is doing and you are excited about it, surviving music practice is easier. Specific praise that targets specific achievements is a win for both of you. Your child will respond to your encouragement and you will have a more positive mindset.
The Experts Say…
In recent years the ageing population has increased. The large post-war Baby Boomer group has reached retirement age, medical advances mean people are living longer, and younger people are having fewer children and waiting till they are older to have them. All of these factors mean that seniors now form a significant part of the population. And along with an ageing population comes an increase in cognitive illnesses such as Alzheimer’s and dementia.
In response, researchers have been studying ways to prevent or reverse age-related cognitive decline. Several studies looked at the benefits experienced by seniors who play or are learning to play a musical instrument.
Researchers found that people who learn to play an instrument when they are young can expect a lifetime of benefits. These include improved concentration and motor skills, and improved memory and comprehension. Playing a musical instrument creates new pathways in the brain that remain active in other areas of life.
Researchers also found that both children and seniors who play a musical instrument have less depression and better overall psychological and physical health. They enjoy greater social opportunities and are more likely to be confident.
Surviving Music Practice: Yes, You Can!
So on the days when you wonder if it’s all worth it, remind yourself that you are investing in your child’s future and that the benefits will last a lifetime. It will be worth it!
References:
Click to access neu-25-3-378.pdf
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3814522/
http://time.com/3634995/study-kids-engaged-music-class-for-benefits-northwestern/
http://ed.ted.com/lessons/how-playing-an-instrument-benefits-your-brain-anita-collins
I laughed when I saw it. A meme on social media that said “I was only responsible for the first nine months. After that, you were exposed to your father!” And although it was funny, there was a wry grain of truth in it: when our kids do well, we love to claim the credit, but when they embarrass us or get into trouble, well, the other half of the genetic equation is a handy scapegoat. We don’t like to admit that “my child inherited more than my genes.”
Good News And Bad News: My Child Inherited More Than My Genes
The truth is, my child DID inherit more than my genes. Someone commented recently that Rosie is like me in personality, while TD is like Michael. In fact, TD is so much like Michael that I’ve wondered if he somehow got cloned, and maybe I had nothing to do with it. Yet, there are ways that I can see he is like me: they are just not so obvious. And unfortunately for them, I can see some of my weaknesses repeated in the next generation. Indeed, my child inherited more than my genes. Are weaknesses genetic? Some, perhaps. But others are learned – which is good news because it means that they can be unlearned. And that I can make a decisive effort to override them and model good traits of character instead.
Gino & Mark Stocco
In 2015, father and son duo Gino and Mark Stocco went on a crime spree that led police to chase the fugitives over thousands of kilometres and two states. It began in Wagga Wagga, NSW, when a humble traffic patrol officer pulled them over and tried to arrest them over a previous outstanding warrant. This unlucky upholder of law and order soon found out that he was dealing with more than he could handle: they shot a high powered assault rifle into his car, disabling it, then made a hasty getaway.
A trail of destruction followed as they crossed borders and evaded police for many days. Stealing vehicles became their main means of evading capture, and their stolen guns went with them. A history of violent crimes turned up as police and reported shone the spotlight on their past: for eight years, from northern QLD to Victoria, they had roamed the countryside, earning money from cash jobs, and getting into frequent violent disputes with employers and coworkers. Robbery was their speciality; Mark Stocco, the younger of the two, had even robbed his own mother in a Melbourne carpark!
After 12 days on the run, the law finally got the better of the pair. A search of the property where they last worked revealed the body of its owner, missing for over a month. They were charged with his murder and a host of other offences.
Peter Stocco Said…
The Herald Sun contacted Peter Stocco, Gino’s father, for his take on the whole thing. He expressed disappointment in the choices the pair had made and said he hadn’t even spoken to them for several years. A law abiding citizen himself, it was baffling to him to observe the behaviour of his own offspring – and he’s not alone. Frequently the parents of people who commit crimes are baffled, hurt, and express outrage at what their children have done. Surely children don’t inherit criminal tendencies?
We may never know the answer to that question. There is still much that researchers don’t know in the field of genetics. We don’t know all there is to know about what personality traits are inherited from our parents, and how they come to be expressed under varying circumstances. In the Stocco case, what is clear is that at some point, Gino Stocco chose to live a life of crime, and his son Mark took on the same choice to the point that bad character traits were the same in both of them. They were both liars, thieves, and murderers. We don’t know what led to these choices, or the influences that shaped their lives before they turned to crime, but the end result was that Gino could indeed say “My child inherited more than my genes.” Like father, like son, in the worst possible way.
Celebrity Genes
In the surreal world of celebrities, much is made of genetics whenever a celebrity has a child. Media frenzies erupt whenever a celebrity parent and child go out in public. Does the child have the star’s talent? Is the child stunningly beautiful like the parent? From babyhood, these children experience massive expectations simply by reason of their genetic inheritance. The rest of the world expects them to be beautiful, talented, and successful. And when they fail to live up to these expectations, the world takes delight in exposing their failings. It is somehow gratifying to revel in the idea that in spite of the amazing genetic inheritance they have been gifted with, these people are human after all. They mess up and fail, and we enjoy the spectacle, assuring ourselves that we are in some way better than that. 
But are we really? What character traits are we teaching our kids? Are they good ones? When my child inherited more than my genes, what exactly did he inherit? What is she learning from me day by day? Is the legacy of character that I am leaving with my children one that will stand them in good stead in the future? Am I modelling integrity? Trustworthiness? Commitment? Honesty?
My Child Inherited More Than My Genes
While science may be yet to provide answers as to exactly what our children inherit from us, it is no secret that they copy our behaviour. And in that sense, they are inheriting something from us each day. Our attitudes towards health, lifestyle and our bodies. Our concern (or lack of it) for those who are hurting, less fortunate, or in difficult circumstances. We need to see those around us practice empathy in order to learn it ourselves. Another thing our children learn from us is life management skills – time management, money management, decision-making skills, social skills, and relationship skills. Kids need us to show them how to do these things – the right way. Good conflict management is especially important for the success of their future relationships: they model what they see.
Yes, my child inherited more than my genes. And I’d like to be pleased about that, so I must make sure that my kids see something worth inheriting from me. Something that will lead them to be well-adjusted adults who have learned the skills they need for a worthwhile and fulfilling life.
References:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/75282-parents-effect-child-behavior/
[contact-form]It was one of those days. The crazy – busy kind that begins before the birds are up and ends when you fall asleep at your desk long after everyone else is in bed because you just can’t do one more thing. The kind where you think “one day we will laugh about this – but not today.” Yes, it was one of those days. And kids somehow have a knack of turning it into something memorable – for all the wrong reasons. It began like this.
“Go and put the fingernail stuff on your nails, TD,” Michael told him.
“Do I have to?” he complained. “It tastes awful!”
“That’s the whole point! You want to stop chewing your nails, don’t you?”
“I suppose so.” A reluctant TD got out the bottle of truly awful tasting liquid and began painting his nails. After that, Michael sent him to the room he shares with Rosie. He climbed into his bunk bed and read a book for a while until I came to turn the light out and say good night.
I went back to my project in the office. It had to be finished by the next day, and it was getting late. My day hadn’t gone to plan, and I’d wanted to be in bed by now. Wearily, I pushed myself to keep going.
The noise from the kids’ room caught my attention. Frequent reminders to settle down and go to sleep were proving ineffective tonight. Gales of hilarity assaulted the silence – clearly, something was going on in there. I would deal with it in a moment, I thought. I didn’t have long to wait. The office door slowly opened, and Rosie tentatively poked her head into the office, no doubt expecting to be sent back to bed, pronto.
“I spewed, Mum,” she said sheepishly. “It got on my pyjamas.” I had visions of a gastric bug – the last thing we needed – but she continued.
“It was TD’s fault, Mum,” she said. “He made me taste his fingernail stuff and it was so awful that I spewed.” I got up and went to find clean clothes. Dismayed, I realized that the entire bed would need changing. I was sooo tired…and still had more work to do…and this was the last thing we needed to deal with. Especially when it was entirely preventable. One day we will laugh about this…but it won’t be today!
Maybe boys are more prone to getting into scrapes than girls…because our one day we will laugh about this moments usually seem to involve TD.
Parental Outrage
Michael was talking to the school principal after school one day when the principal received a text from an outraged parent. “Our son got hit by TD“, it read. “We’re sick of it!” The principal was at a loss to explain what had happened that day. The child in question didn’t cry or report any incidents to the teacher. So it was up to us to get to the bottom of it. We sat TD down and talked to him. He had no memory of any problems during the day. Then it clicked.
“Ohhh,” he said. “I remember. It was when I was waving my arms around like a windmill and Ryan came too close. I accidentally hit him on the shoulder.”
Convinced that there was no ill feeling towards this boy, and no malicious intent, we made TD sit down and write a letter of apology to Ryan, and one to his parents. We followed up with a letter of apology from ourselves, as TD’s parents, and assured them that we would address anything that came to our attention in the future. And we thought…one day we will laugh about this…but not today.
Getting To The Bottom Of It
On another occasion, the teacher came to us barely able to keep a straight face but managed to tell us that she needed to talk to us about TD. It was a familiar sinking feeling – the one that goes with the thought: “what has he done now?“
“He’s in trouble for touching girls on the bottom,” she said. “Nicky was going around pinching the other kids on the bottom, and he joined in the game. I’m sure it was just a game, there was nothing more to it than that. Obviously, I put a stop to it right away, but I just wanted you to know.”
Time for parental duty. Again.
“Why were you touching girls on the bottom?” I asked. TD looked at me innocently.
“Nicky was going around pinching everyone on the bottom,” he said.
“So you did it too?” I asked. He nodded.
“I didn’t like her doing it to me, so I did it back.” Great logic…obviously the Golden Rule needs some reinforcing here. Time for another talk about body boundaries and doing unto others as you would have them do to you…
“Well, touching girls on the bottom is a big no-no,” Michael said. “It’s one thing you just don’t do. Bottoms are off – limits. You’re not allowed to touch anyone’s bottom, and no one is allowed to touch yours.” He looked at me. “Since Mum is a girl, she can decide what your sentence is. You need a reminder not to do it again.” I thought for a few minutes.
“I’ve decided,” I told TD. “I want you to write twenty lines of ‘I must not touch girls on the bottom.'” He looked at me in horror. I felt as if I’d just delivered a life sentence.
“But that will take me ages!” he wailed.
“Well, by the time you finish, you should remember not to do it again,” I told him. With a huge sigh, he set to work on the task, looking miserable. One day we will laugh…but not today.
The Perfect Child
These one day we will laugh moments are not something you dream about when you bring your tiny innocent bundle home to share your heart and your life. In fact, at that point in life, such moments would be mortifying. It’s a good thing we can’t see into the future. There’s no way we would be ready for them at the beginning of parenthood. Our dreams of parenthood don’t include any embarrassment caused by our children, or in fact anything unpleasant at all. We hold in our arms the perfect child – and we can’t imagine it being any other way.
Yet somehow, the parenting journey knocks off our rough edges along the way – the parts of us that shrink from confrontation, embarrassment or having to apologize on behalf of our little darling who has just told Aunt Annie that her breath stinks. Somehow, by the time those occasions come our way, we are able to do what has to be done (doesn’t mean we like it!) and move on. Somehow, the parenting journey has grown us in grace and strength, and the ability to deal with the unpleasant. We grow as much as our children do, only our growth is invisible.
One Day We Will Laugh About This…But Not Today
So, although those one day we will laugh about this moments are something I never envisaged parenting to be, and are far more frequent than I would like, I am grateful for the growth they bring, and the opportunities to build character in my child. Yes, even the dreaded opportunity to model good character strengths myself, so my children see how to handle those situations in their own futures. (We just won’t tell them about the sheer willpower it took to perform that task, or the aching jaw from gritting your teeth to get through it!). Oh yes, one day we will laugh about this…but it won’t be today!
Some cool parents who know what we’re talking about:
http://mymummydaze.blogspot.com.au/
http://www.essentiallyjess.com/
http://www.babycenter.com/0_nail-biting-why-it-happens-and-what-to-do-about-it_66590.bc
http://www.xovain.com/nails/quit-nail-biting-in-10-steps
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