It was one of those days. The crazy – busy kind that begins before the birds are up and ends when you fall asleep at your desk long after everyone else is in bed because you just can’t do one more thing. The kind where you think “one day we will laugh about this – but not today.” Yes, it was one of those days. And kids somehow have a knack of turning it into something memorable – for all the wrong reasons. It began like this.
“Go and put the fingernail stuff on your nails, TD,” Michael told him.
“Do I have to?” he complained. “It tastes awful!”
“That’s the whole point! You want to stop chewing your nails, don’t you?”
“I suppose so.” A reluctant TD got out the bottle of truly awful tasting liquid and began painting his nails. After that, Michael sent him to the room he shares with Rosie. He climbed into his bunk bed and read a book for a while until I came to turn the light out and say good night.
I went back to my project in the office. It had to be finished by the next day, and it was getting late. My day hadn’t gone to plan, and I’d wanted to be in bed by now. Wearily, I pushed myself to keep going.
The noise from the kids’ room caught my attention. Frequent reminders to settle down and go to sleep were proving ineffective tonight. Gales of hilarity assaulted the silence – clearly, something was going on in there. I would deal with it in a moment, I thought. I didn’t have long to wait. The office door slowly opened, and Rosie tentatively poked her head into the office, no doubt expecting to be sent back to bed, pronto.
“I spewed, Mum,” she said sheepishly. “It got on my pyjamas.” I had visions of a gastric bug – the last thing we needed – but she continued.
“It was TD’s fault, Mum,” she said. “He made me taste his fingernail stuff and it was so awful that I spewed.” I got up and went to find clean clothes. Dismayed, I realized that the entire bed would need changing. I was sooo tired…and still had more work to do…and this was the last thing we needed to deal with. Especially when it was entirely preventable. One day we will laugh about this…but it won’t be today!
Maybe boys are more prone to getting into scrapes than girls…because our one day we will laugh about this moments usually seem to involve TD.
Parental Outrage
Michael was talking to the school principal after school one day when the principal received a text from an outraged parent. “Our son got hit by TD“, it read. “We’re sick of it!” The principal was at a loss to explain what had happened that day. The child in question didn’t cry or report any incidents to the teacher. So it was up to us to get to the bottom of it. We sat TD down and talked to him. He had no memory of any problems during the day. Then it clicked.
“Ohhh,” he said. “I remember. It was when I was waving my arms around like a windmill and Ryan came too close. I accidentally hit him on the shoulder.”
Convinced that there was no ill feeling towards this boy, and no malicious intent, we made TD sit down and write a letter of apology to Ryan, and one to his parents. We followed up with a letter of apology from ourselves, as TD’s parents, and assured them that we would address anything that came to our attention in the future. And we thought…one day we will laugh about this…but not today.
Getting To The Bottom Of It
On another occasion, the teacher came to us barely able to keep a straight face but managed to tell us that she needed to talk to us about TD. It was a familiar sinking feeling – the one that goes with the thought: “what has he done now?“
“He’s in trouble for touching girls on the bottom,” she said. “Nicky was going around pinching the other kids on the bottom, and he joined in the game. I’m sure it was just a game, there was nothing more to it than that. Obviously, I put a stop to it right away, but I just wanted you to know.”
Time for parental duty. Again.
“Why were you touching girls on the bottom?” I asked. TD looked at me innocently.
“Nicky was going around pinching everyone on the bottom,” he said.
“So you did it too?” I asked. He nodded.
“I didn’t like her doing it to me, so I did it back.” Great logic…obviously the Golden Rule needs some reinforcing here. Time for another talk about body boundaries and doing unto others as you would have them do to you…
“Well, touching girls on the bottom is a big no-no,” Michael said. “It’s one thing you just don’t do. Bottoms are off – limits. You’re not allowed to touch anyone’s bottom, and no one is allowed to touch yours.” He looked at me. “Since Mum is a girl, she can decide what your sentence is. You need a reminder not to do it again.” I thought for a few minutes.
“I’ve decided,” I told TD. “I want you to write twenty lines of ‘I must not touch girls on the bottom.'” He looked at me in horror. I felt as if I’d just delivered a life sentence.
“But that will take me ages!” he wailed.
“Well, by the time you finish, you should remember not to do it again,” I told him. With a huge sigh, he set to work on the task, looking miserable. One day we will laugh…but not today.
The Perfect Child
These one day we will laugh moments are not something you dream about when you bring your tiny innocent bundle home to share your heart and your life. In fact, at that point in life, such moments would be mortifying. It’s a good thing we can’t see into the future. There’s no way we would be ready for them at the beginning of parenthood. Our dreams of parenthood don’t include any embarrassment caused by our children, or in fact anything unpleasant at all. We hold in our arms the perfect child – and we can’t imagine it being any other way.
Yet somehow, the parenting journey knocks off our rough edges along the way – the parts of us that shrink from confrontation, embarrassment or having to apologize on behalf of our little darling who has just told Aunt Annie that her breath stinks. Somehow, by the time those occasions come our way, we are able to do what has to be done (doesn’t mean we like it!) and move on. Somehow, the parenting journey has grown us in grace and strength, and the ability to deal with the unpleasant. We grow as much as our children do, only our growth is invisible.
One Day We Will Laugh About This…But Not Today
So, although those one day we will laugh about this moments are something I never envisaged parenting to be, and are far more frequent than I would like, I am grateful for the growth they bring, and the opportunities to build character in my child. Yes, even the dreaded opportunity to model good character strengths myself, so my children see how to handle those situations in their own futures. (We just won’t tell them about the sheer willpower it took to perform that task, or the aching jaw from gritting your teeth to get through it!). Oh yes, one day we will laugh about this…but it won’t be today!
Some cool parents who know what we’re talking about:
http://mymummydaze.blogspot.com.au/
http://www.essentiallyjess.com/
http://www.babycenter.com/0_nail-biting-why-it-happens-and-what-to-do-about-it_66590.bc
http://www.xovain.com/nails/quit-nail-biting-in-10-steps