Homeschooling. It’s a polarizing kind of word. If you’re like most people, you either like the idea or you don’t. You are either “mainstream” (and go the route of conventional schooling) or you are “alternative” and do homeschooling. The community in general is good at labels and categories. And nearly everyone has an opinion on one side of the divide or the other.
I’m a homeschooled adult. I also spent time in a regular school, albeit when I was first starting my education. I will be the first to admit that my experiences with both forms of schooling will not be the same as other people’s, but perhaps some first person perspective, burnished by time, might be useful to someone who is yet undecided about the whole debate.
Background
My parents were originally from the city. My mum had a taste for adventure, and Dad kind of followed in her wake, so they found themselves living in some out of the way places. Once children came along, they started to think about education, and chose a small private school for me, their firstborn. I was there for one or two terms when they made the decision to do homeschooling, partly because of the distance they had to drive me (they didn’t want me going on the bus on my own as a little 6 year old with all the big ruffians on that bus route), partly because of the fees…and partly because my mum was developing the idea that she had no control over the negative influences that I was exposed to at school. So homeschooling was a logical choice.
Then they moved interstate. Homeschooling laws at the time were quite stringent, and you were only eligible for government distance education if you lived in an isolated place, a long way from the nearest school and bus stop. Not wanting to make up her own curriculum (which was also tightly regulated), the choice became obvious: find a place to live that would meet the criteria. Which they did. And homeschooling became the norm for us from that time forward. I completed high school as a homeschooled student, as did several of my siblings.
Scroll through the years to today…and what do I see as the good and bad aspects of homeschooling?
The Practical Positives Of Homeschooling
These things apply to my experience and do not necessarily reflect the experience of others, which might be very different.
- It taught me self-discipline – in amazing quantities for a primary school kid. As the eldest of a large family, I had to be very self-sufficient with doing my work, as my parents didn’t have much time to help me. As I moved on through high school, I became entirely responsible for doing my work, and they had little or nothing to do with what I was doing on a daily basis. They knew I was doing it, the teachers would occasionally talk to them over the phone, and they were satisfied that I was on track. That self-discipline has been useful in adult life too.
- I learned to cook, clean and manage a household at a young age. Each of us had daily chores, and living where we were wasn’t as easy as living in town: there was no electricity, and the stove had to be lit daily to provide hot water, which meant wood needed to be chopped regularly. There was always plenty of work to do, and each of us learned to bear our share of the load.
- Because all of our time was spent surrounded by nature, I developed an appreciation for nature that remains with me today. I loved going for walks and looking for interesting things in the natural world.
- It was more time flexible. As long as we completed the work and were on track, we didn’t have to stick to a rigid schedule like conventional schools do. Town days, for example, which happened once a fortnight, were days that we didn’t do any work. We would spend the day shopping, having piano lessons, and doing other jobs around town.
Values and Life Lessons
- It helped me to learn to “think outside the square” because I had to form my own ideas and opinions a lot more than I would have had I gone to a conventional school.
- As most of what I did what in written form, I became very good at reading and writing from quite a young age. This was also partly because when I was very young, my mum set out on a mission to teach me to read herself, so I was reading at a basic level before I even started at school. It gave me a head start that was quite valuable.
- Because all of our time was spent surrounded by nature, I developed an appreciation for nature that remains with me today. I loved going for walks and looking for interesting things in the natural world.
- It taught me responsibility – not just the homeschooling part, but the whole package. I had to be responsible for chores, feeding animals, my schooling, and younger siblings. The homeschooling lifestyle is so different from a more conventional lifestyle that it automatically engenders things like responsibility and self-discipline.
- Homeschooling places a lot more emphasis on positive family values as a rule – kids spend most of their time in the family circle, and it helps to create strong family values.
The Negatives Of Homeschooling
Again, these things will not necessarily reflect anyone else’s experience. Many of them have little do to with homeschooling itself and a lot to do with the philosophy my parents lived by.
Limited Social Contact
My mum’s philosophy was to manage external factors in order to shield us from the negative and undesirable things in the world. While this stemmed from a desire to do the best for her kids, the results were that she limited our social contact. We had friends among the neighbours, who were also homeschooling (the nearest one was about 5 km away by road, or a forty minute walk on a faint foot trail through the rainforest), but all in all, social contact was limited. At an age where kids start to want to have friends, I was lonely. My siblings were all much younger in terms of maturity, and there was no one in my circle who was really on my wavelength. I longed to have friends I could see regularly and do things with.
Lack of Variety
At times, I longed for variety. We attended church every two or three weeks and went to town shopping every fortnight, but neither of those occasions provided many opportunities for socializing or doing anything different. Holidays were rare to non existent. So at times, life seemed like much the same thing every day. Surrounded by bush and the same people, doing the same things every day. It was easy to feel stuck in a rut.
Lack of Available Help with School Work
At times when I needed help with my school work, there was no one to show me what to do. I’m sure my ability with maths was greatly hindered by not having a teacher who could explain things – even if I asked my parents, they usually didn’t know how to help me. Because of the turnaround time, the work came back with the correct answers about a month later – long after I’d forgotten what I needed help with. I could ring the teachers and ask for help, but explanations over the phone were usually not very effective for me.
Irregular Holiday Times
Because of the flexible time schedule, there were a few times when we got behind in our work due to doing other things (mostly work organized by my parents). So when it came to school holidays, we would work through them. To be fair, this only happened a handful of times, but sometimes I felt like I needed a holiday away from school completely. 
Why I’m Doing It Differently
I’m doing it differently with my own children. I’m not against homeschooling, and for some people, it’s absolutely the best option. Even for me, under the right circumstances, it could be the best option. But for now, I don’t believe it is.
My philosophy is different to my mother’s. While she attempted to manage the external environment to minimize the potential harm the world could inflict, I believe in giving my kids a rock-solid grounding in core values, knowing the difference between right and wrong. I believe in giving them internal strength by loving them liberally, giving them solid boundaries, and allowing them to experience consequences when they break the rules or stray outside the boundaries.
When Things Go Wrong
When things go wrong, as they sometimes do, I believe in having an open and supportive relationship with them, so that they can come to me and talk about what’s going on in their world, and I can help them set rules and provide the basis for making good decisions. I believe in giving them age-appropriate freedom to make some choices on their own. It’s practice for the real world in later life, while I am still there to catch them if they fall. Many, many times I have seen young adults who grew up this way unable to handle the real world when the time came. Some of them have made disastrous choices that have permanently altered their lives. They were totally unprepared because their internal strengths were not developed. They were unable to stand up to the temptation to make poor choices because the choices had always been made for them.
A Different Choice
So … I let my kids go to school. Not because I’m against homeschooling. For some people, it’s the best option. But for us, for me, the choice has been to send my kids to school. Not just any school, but one that upholds the values that we live by. It’s small and is like a family. The kids are generally kind to each other and treat each other with respect. Bullying, bad language and name calling are not tolerated. If that school were not available, I possibly would consider homeschooling.
Why School?
Why school? Because my belief is that we have a purpose on this earth in touching the lives of others for good. And that purpose is much harder to fulfil when you stay at home and don’t see anyone else for long periods of time (and I’m fully aware that many homeschooling families have active social circles). Quite clearly, this doesn’t apply to everyone. But I’m a homebody. I would be tempted to hibernate happily at home and ignore the outside world. School gets me out and involved in the community.
I’m teaching my kids to look for opportunities to do good to those around them, and they are able to practice that skill at school – not simply with likeminded people, but with people from all walks of life. Helping the teacher. Saying something kind to a classmate. Playing with someone who is having a hard time making friends. They are little things, but it’s helping them develop a mindset of other-centeredness, a focus on service to others, and an interest in the wellbeing of others. Yes, those things can be learned at home too, but in my case, the impact would stay at home.
Contributing to the Community
I know that there are times when my kids have influenced other kids for good. I want them to be an asset to the school, and they are. No, I’m not bragging, merely stating a fact: their presence at the school enriches it for the better. The ripples spread out into the community, as other kids learn to think of others and make good choices, reinforced by kids like mine who are supportive of such endeavours. Their power for good is exponentially greater because they are in contact with others.
Apart from that, I also have the opportunity to meet other parents. Through the friendships I’ve formed, I’ve also been able to show care and concern for others and model what I’m teaching my kids. My own life has been enriched through the interaction with others – sometimes a cheery ‘Good morning!” is all it takes to bring a smile to someone else’s day. That has to be a good thing!
But We Don’t Say That Word…
That’s not to say it’s all smooth sailing. Sometimes it’s not. But when bad behaviour rubs off or something undesirable comes home, I have the opportunity to address it, and help them to see why we don’t act that way or say that word. I’m helping to strengthen their internal moral compass to say no to wrong things, rather than simply making the choices for them by removing all the bad things from their environment. They are intelligent kids and given a good reason and a little freedom to make some age-appropriate choices, they will usually choose well. It’s the process that’s important – in later life, they will know how to go through the process of making good decisions. In these early years, I’m here for guidance and to pick up the pieces when the process is less than perfect.
What Works For You
Homeschooling is wonderful for those who make it work. If your family dynamic supports homeschooling and it fits with your own personal beliefs and is working well for you – hats off to you! You have my total admiration. Likewise, if a school is your preference, and your kids are great individuals who are contributing to their school community – bravo! There is no one size fits all here. No right or wrong and no judgment. Just what works for you and your family. There are plenty of critics on both sides of the fence – but you are the one living your life. Ignore them!
Some cool blogs by homeschooling parents:
http://sunnyhomeschool.blogspot.com.au/
http://skyeandfour.blogspot.com.au/
http://creatingandeducating.blogspot.com.au/