She tottered toward me on unsteady legs, with walking being a very new skill. Her left hand clutched my fork, which she had just pilfered from the dinner table. She handed it to me with a big grin, her pleasure evident. She had just done something helpful for Mummy, and right now, she was feeling the pleasure that comes from good deeds – before she was old enough to know what helping others even means. I thanked her for being helpful, and she toddled off, well pleased with herself. Her desire to help others had been rewarded, and now she felt good.
What Is Compassion?
Compassion is often confused with empathy, but they are distinctly different. Empathy is the ability to feel the feelings of another person – for example when your best friend has just lost a loved one, and you cry from the feelings of pain and loss that they are enduring. Likewise, altruism can be confused with compassion, but it too is different: it is doing something good for others, but not necessarily out of compassion – when we donate to a charity, but receive a tax break in return, for example.
Compassion is thinking of others and acting in a way that benefits them without any thought of gain or reward for ourselves. Indeed, the acts of compassion we perform are a reward in themselves: we get that warm feeling that accompanies doing something good, performing a noble act, or putting the happiness and well-being of others ahead of our own.
Are We Born With The Desire To Help Others?
Scientists have long been fascinated with the qualities of compassion and generosity, and much has been made of whether these are learned or inherent behaviours. Studies have shown that babies who are too young to understand rewards for good deeds are capable of compassion. One personal example was my daughter Rosie. She was still crawling, unable to walk yet, and we were in the park. My friend, who had a couple of babies of her own, was feeling pretty sad: her beloved grandfather was in the hospital just down the road, dying. Rosie crawled across the picnic rug we were sitting on, snuggled up against my friend, and held her. Somehow, she just knew that this person was in need of comfort. No one said anything in particular or tried to explain it, and never mind that my friend had babies of her own to cuddle. She has never spontaneously cuddled someone since, but we have never had a grieving friend in that situation, either. She was born with the ability to be compassionate even before she could walk or talk.
How Does Helping Others Help Us?
Scientists have discovered many physical, mental and social benefits to ourselves when we help others. These include:
- The type of happiness associated with giving to others differs from the type of happiness we gain from living a good life for ourselves. People living a hedonistic (self-focused) lifestyle reported happiness from their lifestyle, but when their levels of cellular inflammation were measured, they were much higher than those of people who reported happiness from doing good for others.
- Cellular inflammation is associated with chronic diseases such as cancer; thus, people who live for a purpose beyond their own happiness report better health than people who are living for their own pleasure alone.
- Compassionate living appears to act as a buffer against stress: studies have shown that people who lived to give had better stress protection than those who did not. Motivation appeared to be important, too: those who volunteered for altruistic reasons benefited more than those who volunteered for self – serving reasons.
- Research shows a link between depression and anxiety, and the preoccupation with self. Focusing on the needs of others gets us out of the cycle of self – focus and helps to lift our spirits and give us a sense of purpose and meaning.
- Choosing a life that is focused on giving to others leads to greater social connection. People with strong social connections can enjoy greater longevity, a better immune system, and fewer diseases associated with chronic inflammation. When we help others we enjoy better health.
- A social connection also leads to less depression and anxiety, greater trust and cooperation with others, and greater empathy. In turn, others trust, cooperate and empathize more, and everyone benefits. Social connection benefits everyone physically, emotionally, and socially.
How Do You Do Compassion?
I was outside early one morning, talking on the phone to a friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something move. I looked closer, and I saw what appeared to be a cat under the house. I mentioned to my friend that someone’s cat just went under the house, and thought no more of it.
About ten minutes later, still talking, I felt something brush my legs. I looked down, and there was this pathetic little cat. Pretty, yes, with white, orange and black patches, but scrawny. Her ribs were sticking out. She was small, too – probably not fully grown. And she was very obviously hungry.
I said goodbye to my friend, and the cat ran back under the house. There was no dilemma here: I instantly felt sorry for the poor thing. What kind of a person would I be to refuse to feed a starving creature like this one obviously was? So I went and got some dog food, and put it under the house. The cat lost all fear at the sight of food and began to eat ravenously. She ate her fill, then retreated under the house again. A little later I returned, and all the food was gone.
Giving Comes Full Circle
We had no plans to have a cat. But now that I’d fed her, this one wasn’t going away. After hissing a few times at our old dog, she decided that if she was going to live here, she’d better get along with him. And she was a great blessing to him in the final days of his life, snuggling up with him at night in his bed and keeping him warm.
And to this day, she remains my cat. She has never forgotten compassion when she was hungry and homeless, and loyalty to me is first and foremost. When we return home after being away, I’m the one she wants to be with, and she’s not satisfied till she has spent some time with me. I’m the one who receives the “gifts” she brings – a mouse carefully placed in my shoe or some other place where only I will find it. Her love is mine first because I showed her compassion in her time of need.
How do you do compassion? What does it look like for you? What makes you feel good? How do you help others?
Help Others, Help Yourself
If you think your life could use some compassion, let me encourage you first to give. Giving is its own reward: you feel good because you did something for someone else. Sooner or later, it will come full circle, and someone else will give to you. Enrich your life. Help others, and experience the joy that comes with it. Enjoy better health, better emotions, and better social connections. What do you have to lose?!
References:
https://roadmumma.com/go-ahead-make-my-day/